fuckyeahtheCEBUlife!

You can't have evrything. Where would you put it?

Posts tagged Cebu City

3 notes &

LOVE LETTER No. 2

Dear T

I have been going through the pages of the book we’ve made, scanning the chapters where I went wrong and those I thought where you went wrong. It’s difficult reading those pages, turning each leaf and asking if there was anything that could have been salvaged of what we’ve written. They have slowly gathered dust but the pain is fresh and numbing. The kind that makes you tear up while in a jeepney over some random memory of us. Usually it’s the simplest things we did. Who would think the happiest of times could bring painful tears? But they do.

The pain becomes real to me everyday and often I wonder why I am still hurt. I realized i was hurt that you came to the city after we broke up like it was a very easy decision to make when all i asked of you when we were still together was to come over and stay with me, but you couldn’t.Among other reasons, being too far away, not being with you everyday caused the end of ‘us’. I had fought that feeling of being away for half of our relationship until one day I had to ask if you could ever be with me in the big city. Today, i had to ask myself why i want so much that you be with me. Hopefully, itwill give me clarity of what i want and answer the question that cost us.

I want you here with me because i want us to be together. I want us doing things together. I want those sundays back when we drive into the country not minding if the road will ever run out. I want lazy sundays with you. I want to sleep early on a saturday and wake up early the next day so that we can be on our sunday’s best and sit beside each other on Sunday mass. I want to go to the movies together too and enjoy a bucket of pop corn over horrow films you love. I want to head to the department store and pick groceries from the list you made and argue which brand to pick. I want a merienda in between - a halo-halo or siopao perhaps - like we did when we were still young and not worried about getting fat. I want to ride you home on my bike and kiss you before you head to the door. I want to eat the breakfast you prepare and say thank you. I want to do our laundry together. If the soiled clothes become too much, i want us to share the weight of our clothes packed in a bag as we head to the laundry shop. I want to pick up the same clothes together, maybe after we eat out for lunch or dinner on a weekend. I want to go home to our hometown together - travel on a bus while you sleep on my shoulder. But I won’t mind if you keep me awake with your stories of politics back home, your mom, your sisters or your nieces, because I love you more for loving them that much. i want to sleep beside you on the boat that will take us to our hometowns, us on our sides facing each other, talking about our friends back home who are excited to see us and not minding the other passengers who could be talking about us. I want to plan those trips in advance so that we can take a leave together. Our birthdays would be best for homecoming. I’d also wanna spend Holy Week, Christmas and New Year back home with you. I wanna plan vacations and really go for it. I want a Boracay or Coron trip or any beautiful beach because you know how much I love summer. I wanna wake up at dawn so that we can go run together and keep ourselves fit. We could go hit the road or run at Abellana together. If you want, we could go to the gym together and watch each other’s progress - you, trying to gain weight while I try to shed fat.

There are so many things to write about but going over the list, i realize that most of them are all that we already had when we started. When i ask myself what i want in my life now, they have never really changed, it’s still those simple little things we did together when you were not far away yet. Well, maybe a little changes here and there but you get the point. I don’t wanna see you go out in parties all the time. For one, i don’t go out and drink. I could suffer a few bottles with you on a date with friends but more than anything, I want us to live a simple silent life together. I dont want you posting pictures of you half-naked on facebook because I am not comfortable with it, period. I want you to stop smoking because you don’t look good with a cigarette and maybe i could stop together with you too. I want you to chase your dream of becoming a lawyer again because i know you want it. Maybe if we live a little less complicated and plan together what we want to achieve, you can achieve that goal. I may not have told you this but you becoming a lawyer is my dream too, simply because you are a good person who has what it takes, and you are full of kindness and one who can do so much difference. That’s how much i know you too much. I do not like situations that I don’t know the people you’re with when you go out and then see them first on a post in facebook. I want that we keep our circle small with the people who matter to both of us. I want to know your new friends and want to be friends with them too like how my friends know you too well but it won’t hurt if we keep the ones who love us, who’s been with us through the years and who will always be there when we need them for an advice when we have petty disagreements. In return we will be there for them too like real friends do.

All these are all i ask. I guess i simply want a quiet life with you, living as couples do and facing challenges couple face together. I could marry you if we could ( but not gonna happen in this country ).I want a home with you. We could start saving up for it and work our ass off to build that beautiful home where we could welcome our friends and family for gatherings. I particularly would want to invite them on birthdays or Christmas. The days before that should have made us busy preparing. I do the errands, you do the cooking.

But these are all in my thoughts. I think I’ve become serious of the idea of relationships as i got older and maybe i couldn’t catch up anymore with what you wanted, the same way that you didnt get the idea of what I want because I havent really explained my thoughts well. We are not the 22-year olds anymore who can spend each Friday night partying at a bar.

So this. This is a proposition to be honest. Something I would commit to doing if you allow me. If you want to have a life with me after reading this, I’d be honored. In fact, I’d be the happiest man on earth. We can negotiate on some things and you could make a list of your own too and I’d go over them and see what we can negotiate on ( haha). In the end, i want to be with you and move forward together with a plan, with a common goal, with a commitment to stick together, like couples vow, through thick and thin.

But it’s a long shot. You will not read this letter. This will remain unsent. You are with someone else now. I can only hope he offers you the world.

I miss you.

B

Filed under unsent love letter love cebu cebu city

2 notes &

FENCES

I woke up one day
And the cage wasn’t there.
I was free.
The shadows have gone
The sky, cloudless
The hurt, easing its way
Out of my heart like a pinch.
I am free.
So i thought.
But I am not.
I can’t let nobody in.
The locks turn at the
Approach of anyone.
I see the unworthy.
I feel unworthy.
It would seem that
I have built myself
A fence too high.
It’s not freedom.
To be over that fence is.

Filed under cebu cebu city pilipinas philippines love poetry poem writing moving on

1 note &

LIARS

He said one day
He liked (her)him.
And (s)he casually said
(S)He liked him too.
The words were true
And sweet because the truth
Is sweet to the tongue.
To say. To taste.
They sailed naked through the
Waves on their sheets
Under the silver moon
Guiding their voyage
Til the sun peeps
From the hills of their pillows
And greet them good morning.

Today.
They look back together
As the timelines
On their facebook pages
Roll the events in between.
The words they said
They vividly remember.
They must be true
Because they believed them.
And truths are as good as lies
If no one believed them.
But those words really,
No matter what they choose
To believe
Were only true under
The sheets.

They lied.
They were liars.
And only a liar and a liar
Could only weave lies
Like truths.

Filed under poetry poem love lies lie life relationships cebu cebu city philippines writing

1 note &

STILL

They sit on the grass
In silence.
Two hearts talking
Because their lips fail
And the all the words
Have been said.

They sit in silence.
Shoulders touching.
Facing the east
Like it’s the direction
They are moving
Together.

They sit still like
Two birds on a branch
Of a leafless tree
Watching the light of sun
Trace the edges of
The shifting clouds
Like the heavens are weaving
Them the tapestry
Of their days beyond.

The sun peeks.
In that fleeting stillness
Of their presence,
I could hear the music
They cannot contain
While their hearts waltz
Like they have found
Forever in the stillness
Of morning.

Filed under cebu cebu city poem poetry

3 notes &

CITY OF LONELY (Never Easy)

It’s never easy.
To cover yourself
Under your sheets
In mornings of deafening
Silence -
In a house that is not
A home.
In a bed that gives you
Strange dreams
Inside a box of walls and ceilings
That stare back blankly
In apathy,
Stoic of the rollercoaster
That runs all day in
The circus in your head.
And you imagine
They listened but
They were never really
A friend from the beginning.
This city that shines
At night may have
Embraced you but
In sudden stops in your
Jeepney rides,
It drowns you
In her bosom until
You gasp for air.
For a hand
For another soul
For another body
For love.
Or its substitue.
Everything there is around you,
They taunt you.
Like a new
Face in the neighborhood,
They still mock you.
The familiarity fades and
Comes in tides.

It’s never easy.
Even after all these years.

Filed under poetry poem cebu cebu city philippines scribbles words writing lonely

2 notes &

UNTITLED

He steps outside
And leaves yesterday behind.
The baggages that weigh
Heavy loosen from his grip 
And fall behind him.
He never looks back.
The scars he cannot leave
Behind the door cuts 
Across his chest.
He is leaving the darkness
He loved for so long.
He had made
Love with solitude.
He had  a long engagement
With loneliness.
He knows them 
Too well now.
He is ready to kiss them
On the lips and bid adieu.
He braves into the light
To a place where freedom
Seems a scary place.
He will soon learn
That his heart is among wild horses
Running in an endless prairie.
He is not a pigeon
He thought he was.

UNTITLED

He steps outside
And leaves yesterday behind.
The baggages that weigh
Heavy loosen from his grip
And fall behind him.
He never looks back.
The scars he cannot leave
Behind the door cuts
Across his chest.
He is leaving the darkness
He loved for so long.
He had made
Love with solitude.
He had a long engagement
With loneliness.
He knows them
Too well now.
He is ready to kiss them
On the lips and bid adieu.
He braves into the light
To a place where freedom
Seems a scary place.
He will soon learn
That his heart is among wild horses
Running in an endless prairie.
He is not a pigeon
He thought he was.

Filed under poem poetry cebu philippines cebu city

3 notes &

UNSAID

There are moments
When I wish I had
Said the scribbles
On the ceilings of my head,
The rage painted across
The walls of my heart.
Sometimes I wish
I should have freed
Them and see them born
Into life no matter how monstrous
They could have become.
But I chose to collect
Them together and
Let them dissipate
In placid silence in the wind
Of days passing by.
I was mute but I wasn’t
Deaf.
The want of words
Didn’t mean
I cared less
Or loved less
Or lived the moment less.
I was inside my head
Calculating in brief seconds,
The words hanging on the
Tip of my tongue.
And I spared you the hurt.
I spared myself from the hurt.
I spared us both from the hurt
Of words that could not
Be taken back
From the wind.

Or maybe I was wrong.

Filed under words poem poetry writing love quotes life cebu cebu city philippines